12% NEWS:

Hi Beermates,
So I've been running some banner ads for the next few weeks. So far the Party Animals banner is coming in first with Attention Whore second and Tammy Faye and Alice Cooper a close third. Really, it could be anyone's game! To check out the oh so exciting banner race: log in, go to Gold Members Resources and hit Run or View Banner ads. (But please don't run anymore right now, k babycakes?)

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Golf Widow
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The Hills Have Signs.

Thursday, Jan. 31, 2008 - 7:47 a.m.


January 30, 2008 - 5:01 p.m.

I never did feel comfortable with just letting Agnes and Mildred swing free and loose in front of the 'rents.

Wednesday, Jan. 30, 2008 - 9:16 a.m.

01.30.08 - 6:18 a.m.

The dancers trace arcs through the air to indicate said rainbows, and flowers, and birds—it is like a wonderful, invisible puppet show with coconut bras.

January 29, 2008 - 4:26 p.m.

Of course I dated guys in high school! I was the official “Boys Who Aren’t Quite Sure if They’re Gay, but Once They Go over to Witty’s House and Listen to “Cabaret”, they’ll soon be joining the Liza Minnelli Fan Club” Girl.

2008-01-30 - 12:57 a.m.

Of course I dated guys in high school! I was the official “Boys Who Aren’t Quite Sure if They’re Gay, but Once They Go over to Witty’s House and Listen to “Cabaret”, they’ll soon be joining the Liza Minnelli Fan Club” Girl.

2008-01-30 - 12:20 a.m.

It's slightly thrilling to be addressed only as "Lady," as if I'm the subject of a Lionel Richie ballad.

January 28, 2008 - 11:15 a.m.

Dad's current thing is to tell everyone that he "lost all of the fluids in his body" and then singing If I Were a Rich Man from Fiddler on the Roof at full volume.

Monday, Jan. 28, 2008 - 11:14 a.m.

Because Heath Ledger needed "security guards" about as much as a car crash victim needs a Scientologist.

01.26.08 - 7:48 a.m.

Someone asked me if I wanted children. EEEK! My first response was to hyperventilate, and break out into a sweat. As hives began to form on my arms and my sweater felt suddenly itchy – I remembered – I don’t have to respond to the email right away.

01.25.08 - 11:01 p.m.

The title of today's entry is, like much of what I write, a lie.

January 24, 2008 - 2:59 p.m.

Hey, look over there! Oh, sorry. Thought I saw something interesting. Never mind. Where were we?

January 23, 2008 - 10:35 a.m.

Help! I’ve just fallen down the stairs! I’m OK actually – don’t call 911 (or 999 if you’re in England – did you know it was different over here? I didn’t until about three months after I moved here. Thank goodness I wasn’t caught in some sort of incendiary situation during that time!) – but I really have just fallen down the stairs.

01.23.08 - 4:31 p.m.

What the fug?!

Jan. 22, 2008 - 9:59 a.m.

So there you have it. New year, new Groovy Decay. Stay tuned: I’m aiming for next week for the relaunch.

01.22.08 - 3:52 p.m.

And now I have to buy more, because apparently, one of the side effects of Yiddish crack is massive guilt.

01.19.08 - 12:34 p.m.

So much for all that crap about twins having some sort of physic bond.

Jan. 18, 2008 - 1:04 p.m.

Please send SOUP.

January 17, 2008 - 11:26 a.m.

Today's Forecast: Leafing. LEAFING?!

Jan. 16, 2008 - 5:34 p.m.

It is more than a little humiliating to be reduced to being a butt gimp.

Wednesday, Jan. 16, 2008 - 8:24 p.m.

Learn Spanish with Fergie | Today's Phrase: "Puta sucia, que te pasa"

Jan. 14, 2008 - 7:39 p.m.

Finally some filipino cleaning guy stopped and said, “You…paper”. And I’m like “What?” Him: “You!…paper!” Me: “wha-tt-t?” and I happened to glance down and there was a long roll of toilet paper trailing out of my pants.

2008-01-15 - 8:06 p.m.

It was art-directed by my mother, in a look she termed “classic,” but which actually spelled out in giant letters, “FOLLOW ME TO JAZZ CHORUS PRACTICE!”

January 14, 2008 - 2:15 p.m.

Seriously, the coil went ting.

Monday, Jan. 14, 2008 - 8:55 a.m.

Frankly, I expect to find a picture of my scissors on the back of a milk carton any minute now.

Sunday, Jan. 13, 2008 - 7:05 p.m.

We have yet to get one right this year.

Saturday, Jan. 12, 2008 - 7:41 p.m.

If I can remember to make those my last words when I die, everyone else in the world could just go ahead and die with no pressure, because you cannot top that.

01.12.08 - 12:24 p.m.

Because what’s funnier: exchanging tokens of affection and spending quality time with family (yawn!) or being chased down the street by a mentally unstable seventeen-stone hippie? I think the answer is obvious.

01.11.08 - 11:20 a.m.

A while back at a party I heard someone ask another person if they wanted some blow, and I thought, “That’s a funny way of asking for head.”

01.10.08 - 6:32 p.m.

At the cast party afterwards, SueB talked with Ms. Lansbury and mentioned how startling it was to hear Jessica Fletcher say the C word.

January 10, 2008 - 5:26 p.m.

I don't care how old or white this makes me sound, but I don't get a damn thing they're saying! Rappers make no sense.

Jan. 10, 2008 - 12:55 p.m.

She would never give anyone the finger, even if they could not see her, for instance, if they were on the phone and had called to yell at her about something that was totally not her fault and tell her she was incompetent at a high decibel level. Even then.

January 09, 2008 - 12:13 p.m.

Okay, I'll admit it. I had a raging case of turkey envy.

Wednesday, Jan. 09, 2008 - 12:10 p.m.

oh, drat and bother...the building is on fire

Jan. 09, 2008 - 8:46 a.m.

And then, I forgot most of the incident, because it failed to hold my interest. Exactly as is happening to you right now.

January 08, 2008 - 2:35 p.m.

I suspect that at least one of my improvisations makes the trainer and the owner see the words Massive Public Liability Payment flashing in neon over my head.

Tuesday, Jan. 08, 2008 - 4:27 p.m.

I came outside to see an unfamiliar woman with ice-blonde hair worn in a loose bowl cut similar to one favored by Phil Spector. She was crying.

January 07, 2008 - 12:38 p.m.

It's unlikely anyone even noticed ... especially after another few rounds of mimosas, which I assume followed my departure.

Jan. 07, 2008 - 12:11 p.m.

I'd wish that "shutupositories" existed in real life, if it weren't that, in order to administer treatment, I'd then need to brave the anuses (or is it ani?) of the people who needed them the most.

01.05.08 - 12:08 p.m.

So, if I extrapolate, 11/30 = 15/365. Right?

January 04, 2008 - 3:29 p.m.

wah-chicka-wah-chicka-wah-chicka-wah-wah . . .

Friday, Jan. 04, 2008 - 8:02 a.m.

Steal my beauty :: In reading page after page of product listings, my own personal arsenal felt dwarfed in comparison. NO! Did I miss a gay-points bulletin? Are there secret products I don't know about? This simply cannot be. I've had a beauty regimen since I was a pre-teen gay, there's no way some dopey lifestyle magazine I was reading on the crapper was going to out do me!

Jan. 03, 2008 - 1:41 p.m.

Oh, God, Save Me From Rabid FanBoys.

Thursday, Jan. 03, 2008 - 9:31 a.m.

I was rather despondent when I realized I wear the same exact glasses as the Queen of England from 1997.

2008-01-04 - 12:59 a.m.

So: What do YOU think about the tree?

January 02, 2008 - 2:19 p.m.

In retrospect, that wasn't such a good idea. I mean well, but my conversation always comes back around to Showgirls.

January 01, 2008 - 10:36 p.m.

I got Frankenstein Belly
It all wiggles like jelly
So I'll get all undressed
And make the Hubster confess
What the hell he did with my Wellies.

Tuesday, Jan. 01, 2008 - 9:14 a.m.

Since you like having television shows about the obvious, I would like to give you my idea for a new show. It's called Salt Makes Food Salty. If anyone can sell that concept, it's you.

01.01.08 - 5:33 a.m.

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