12% NEWS:

Hi Beermates,
So I've been running some banner ads for the next few weeks. So far the Party Animals banner is coming in first with Attention Whore second and Tammy Faye and Alice Cooper a close third. Really, it could be anyone's game! To check out the oh so exciting banner race: log in, go to Gold Members Resources and hit Run or View Banner ads. (But please don't run anymore right now, k babycakes?)

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January 2007
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Yesterday, I was excited about my concept for a reality show about the newly off-the-endangered-list bald eagle called America's Got Talons.

06.30.07 - 7:27 a.m.

“Bill” has a lazy right eye and knows he can use it to make people uncomfortable

06.30.07 - 9:32 p.m.

Because when you can’t rely on talent, go for the magical thinking.

June 29, 2007 - 3:56 p.m.

“I’ll even help you with some of that sexual frustration…”

06.29.07 - 8:21 p.m.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God!!!!!!!!!! Toot, toot! Angst Central pulling in. Tooooot!

2007-06-28 - 6:39 p.m.

Has turned into something only slightly less daunting than constructing the St. Lawrence Seaway.

Thursday, Jun. 28, 2007 - 2:46 p.m.

I’ve made great strides and changed my life over the past year, with a new job at double my previous income, new car, new apartment, new laptop, new everything, all while paying off my debt and of course continuing to calculate a plan for world domination.

Jun. 27, 2007 - 3:56 p.m.

Look out your window--you can probably see it without even leaving your chair.

June 27, 2007 - 1:52 p.m.

JC and the Boys, Kicking It Old School.

Wednesday, Jun. 27, 2007 - 8:00 a.m.

“Yeah, but that still doesn’t mean they have a cult following. Unless you’re a film, or a band, or, like, a book or something, or actually Charles fucking Manson, you can’t have a cult following.”

“I don’t agree.”

“That is because you are wrong.”

06.27.07 - 1:23 p.m.

See, I’m even angsty in my dreams.

2007-06-27 - 12:04 a.m.

Here’s a toast to taking a wild-ass-leap.

06.27.07 - 5:33 p.m.

IT’S HERE!!!! Ghosts of Seattle

06.26.07 - 4:49 p.m.

Valkyrie: Man, you’re going to spend eternity all by yourself in Hell.

Hubster: Maybe then I’ll get some sleep.

Monday, Jun. 25, 2007 - 10:21 a.m.

I click on the handy link to look at her pictures and take a swig of Diet Coke as the page loads. I then inhale the Diet Coke and cough, gasp and sneeze as it fills my sinus cavity. Not only is Stacy9 naked, but she's naked, spread eagle, and insterting multiple things into multiple places all at once.

2007-06-25 - 1:45 a.m.

I thought it was a fairly amusing little roll reversal thing, and a good little publicity thing for Axe Body Spray and their whole "Bom Chicka Wah Wah" campaign.

2007-06-25 - 1:44 a.m.

Whatever. I hope they got a gnome and a windmill.

2007-06-25 - 1:41 a.m.

There was this point during the afternoon, when I realized we were both in various states of undress, topless and panties and covered in glitter

06.25.07 - 1:47 p.m.

I didn’t stay long though, especially after some woman asked me if my Bob Dylan painting was a self portrait.

Yeah, I can definitely see the resemblence, you freakin' idiot.

2007-06-24 - 4:04 p.m.

If the spousal unit and I are coming into the house together, from time to time I will glance ostentatiously to my right and announce, "Size really doesn't matter."

Saturday, Jun. 23, 2007 - 9:05 a.m.

In the second way, I expect it could be something akin to a barrel of c4 and a short fuse.

06.23.07 - 4:02 p.m.

It was touching, in a demented sort of way.

Friday, Jun. 22, 2007 - 9:52 a.m.

He asked me out to dinner – and I started crying.

06.22.07 - 7:28 p.m.

Isn’t it a beautiful day out there, in the sunshine? Sure, it is—just take another swig of your Miller High Life and agree with me.

June 21, 2007 - 2:34 p.m.

I write every day, but most of it is an empiric buttload of crap, which is exactly the same measurement as a metric buttload, but reserved for those of us stubborn Americans who refuse to convert over.

06.21.07 - 4:06 p.m.

Then I started poking around on Technorati and found that someone stole one of my blog entries.

2007-06-20 - 11:43 p.m.

...the cafeteria people...oh, how I hate them...

Jun. 20, 2007 - 2:06 p.m.

In retrospect, the fact that it partially dissolved the spousal unit's shoes should have told us something.

Wednesday, Jun. 20, 2007 - 4:42 p.m.

I have at least 237 reasons why I don't go to Sci-Fi Cons anymore.

Wednesday, Jun. 20, 2007 - 8:39 a.m.

I love “AOL”. While there are wars being fought and trees going extinct and diseases killing people, they have the headline “Paris Hilton staring at ceiling in jail”.

2007-06-20 - 12:59 a.m.

On the other other hand, it’s not like my brain is leaking out my nose.

Monday, Jun. 18, 2007 - 11:34 a.m.

I'm not sure how I got home. I assume I drove because my car is here.

2007-06-15 - 10:58 p.m.

I started watching Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee on HBO. It's a bit overly dramatic but...yeah I dunno.

2007-06-15 - 10:55 p.m.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you pull off an awesomely lame segue.

2007-06-15 - 10:51 p.m.

The cheapass in me is still doing a little dance.

2007-06-15 - 10:45 p.m.

So, sit back relax and enjoy another episode of "-CHris.'s Spiritual Hoodoo Crap!"

06.15.07 - 5:10 p.m.

And the Universe pointed and laughed. Then it gave me a wedgie.

06.15.07 - 6:27 a.m.


06.15.07 - 4:24 p.m.

I mean I don’t come by my angst by accident. Oh no. My mom is Angst Central. She is truly the Mothership.

2007-06-14 - 2:39 p.m.

Close your eyes... no, wait. Keep your eyes open, or you will not be able to read this.

June 14, 2007 - 11:01 a.m.

Holy crap, Mr. Wizard died!

2007-06-13 - 11:49 p.m.

If you know me at all, you know I am a very spiritual person. I am into all kinds of deep stuff. The kind of deep stuff that will make your head explode if you think too much about it.

2007-06-13 - 11:46 p.m.

Know what was in my head this morning as I woke up?

2007-06-13 - 11:44 p.m.

Would you like to help me celebrate? Great! Because I have a plan, and although I'm not technically allowed to talk about it publicly, it rhymes with "schmimpeachment."

Thursday, Jun. 14, 2007 - 2:55 a.m.

Holy Cats!

Wednesday, Jun. 13, 2007 - 8:29 a.m.

I don't know? Am I JELLOS? Are you JELLOS? Wow, you must really love JELLOS...

06.13.07 - 10:21 a.m.

I don't know? Am I JELLOS? Are you JELLOS? Wow, you must really love JELLOS...

06.13.07 - 10:02 a.m.

I think we should go skydiving next time. Because nothing says love like pushing someone out of a flying death machine. Into a VOLCANO, please!

06.12.07 - 11:34 p.m.

...and they even did an extreme make-over on all the clothes in my closet (”Oh honey, not even Elliot Gould would wear this!”)...

2007-06-12 - 9:02 p.m.

Nake+free beer+bikes+music+free neck ties+ Portland = More swerve than you can shake a stick at!

06.13.07 - 4:39 p.m.

It was like the truth came out - and of course I couldn’t trust it because one should never make big decisions in the middle of a heavy period

06.13.07 - 4:36 p.m.

At which point, he’d pull out a GI Joe doll and ask it rhetorical questions for a while.

June 12, 2007 - 4:02 p.m.

If you’re a bottom-lines road-dog worker bee—and most of you are…

June 11, 2007 - 4:21 p.m.

Personally I think it’s a brilliant idea. I’m going to run out right now and get me a bathroom-cleaning leprechaun.

06.11.07 - 3:39 p.m.

The Best Travel Companion Award goes to
the Mom, who is so well-prepared that, if I'd said I needed a nap, she'd probably have reached into the bottom of her purse and fished out a blanket, a pillow, and an alarm clock.

06.10.07 - 5:12 a.m.

...I was even suppressing my urge to make jokes about a bunch of people country western dancing missing that sale at Walmart!

2007-06-09 - 5:21 p.m.

Do you see how this simple mental game allows me to recast my failures as successes? Take note, beautiful friends, and follow my lead.

June 07, 2007 - 11:17 p.m.

And then there’s its bipolar cousin…”Don’t be neurotic and needy like your mother.” Ha! I just made that one up just now, since it was my mom’s birthday yesterday and we had to refer to her chair as the throne throughout her birthday party.

2007-06-07 - 9:08 p.m.

But imagine the possibilities of putting the fun back in funerals!

Thursday, Jun. 07, 2007 - 8:20 a.m.

I blame el Niño. Because I really want to blame Paris Hilton, but she's gonna be out of style by the time she gets out of stir.

06.07.07 - 7:04 a.m.

Oh, he's no fun; he fell right over.

Wednesday, Jun. 06, 2007 - 8:01 a.m.

... for the love of all that's good and holy, did someone actually think I would be so stupid as to say, "I want to be in radio, so let me submit someone else's music and nothing that lets them know why they should pick me"?

06.06.07 - 5:51 a.m.

Be compassionate with your skinny co-workers, they are probably starving

06.06.07 - 5:33 p.m.

You need to have a pot leaf/the male-female symbols/a picture of Bob Dylan/something about JFK/etc. on the wall: Then get up there and paint it yourself.

Oh, I can’t do anything like that. I have no talent: STFU then.

Monday, Jun. 04, 2007 - 10:20 a.m.

I wandered around some more and met a strange smiling dog. No. I mean it. He was smiling. I took a picture. Look!

2007-06-04 - 12:39 a.m.

I was like Pavlov's dog. Think of sex...eat ice cream. sex...ice cream. sex...ice..creamsex, sex. It was tres annoying!

06.01.07 - 9:21 p.m.

There was also any number of beach toys being batted around, including a giant inflatable lobster, because why wouldn’t you come to a cricket match with a giant inflatable lobster?

06.01.07 - 9:20 p.m.


06.01.07 - 9:17 p.m.

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