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Hi Beermates,
So I've been running some banner ads for the next few weeks. So far the Party Animals banner is coming in first with Attention Whore second and Tammy Faye and Alice Cooper a close third. Really, it could be anyone's game! To check out the oh so exciting banner race: log in, go to Gold Members Resources and hit Run or View Banner ads. (But please don't run anymore right now, k babycakes?)

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Obviously from my routine, one can see that Iím redefining what it means to be productive.

Saturday, Feb. 21, 2004 - 2:18 p.m.

Fighting a lame-ass cold all week. In the shower this morning, I spent the 15 minutes alternating between putting soap on myself, and coughing up loogies. It ruled.

Friday, Feb. 20, 2004 - 11:56 p.m.

I surreptitiously slipped the photocopier a bit of tongue, after giving it a final drubbing with my steel toes for good measure: you have to show these things whoís boss.

Friday, Feb. 20, 2004 - 11:55 p.m.

How fucking happy am I right now? I don't think I've ever looked forward to any Ozzfest as much as I do this one. SLAYER and the reunited JUDAS PRIEST together! I'm sure every friend I have will be at this year's show.

Friday, Feb. 20, 2004 - 11:53 p.m.

So, I was given a present today. A little book called ďBitter with Baggage Seeks SameĒ which really is kind of insulting when it is presented to you along with the words, ďI saw this a few weeks ago, and totally thought of you.Ē

Friday, Feb. 20, 2004 - 11:44 p.m.

I mean, I don't know that they have pubic lice. I can't back that up. But that's completely irrelevant. I don't care if they're cleaner than the Virgin Fucking Mary, you don't grab a handful of junk and then just start touching shit.

Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 - 10:33 p.m.

If it comes down to having to sell my Simpsons toys or my superheroes or any DVDs then I will worry. And, you know, start hitting my friends and readers up for money.

By the way, send me money.

Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 - 10:31 p.m.

Naturally I was concerned for my poor scarf. He hadnít done anything wrong. I was just a negligent father and left him behind in one of my classes. I wanted it back.

Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 - 5:39 p.m.

Come on. Farty. Farthead. Tell me.

Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 - 1:00 p.m.

That name does not belong to a flamboyant cowboy, swinging a pink lasso, or wiggling his ass to Kylie Minogue.

Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 - 12:59 p.m.

I wonder why I smell pop-tarts right now. My nose is all stuffed up, but for some reason I'm picking up a slight hint of pop-tart wafting around somewhere. Maybe I'm losing my mind, or maybe I have pop-tart scented snot.

Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 - 12:57 p.m.

If I've taught you people anything this far, it's that the world isn't fair, and you're never going to get what you'd like, unless what you like is a kick in the gonards. Weirdo

Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 - 12:54 p.m.

"I was going to have this great career!" "I never used that 'potential' thing my teachers talked about!" "Why haven't I made out with an Australian???"
Today is Sundry's Birthday! Go Give Her Birthday Smoochies!

Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 - 12:51 p.m.

You could put people who drive for "Meals on Wheels" or who read to the Blind, or people who fundraise for landmine victims into politics, and I bet there would still be corruption.

Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 - 12:50 p.m.


Thursday, Feb. 19, 2004 - 12:49 p.m.

The guy next to me at the library is talking to himself. Did I mention i am on a lot of meds? Yes, great.

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 - 6:45 p.m.

The spouse tells me that I snore and drool just like Homer Simpson when I have been drinking, but of course this could not possibly be true, because I would never do anything so undignified, unconscious or not. The lies that man tells, I swear.

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 - 6:45 p.m.

If ignorance is bliss, then I was in running nirvana.

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 - 6:41 p.m.

Lou Costello was only 5í3Ē. Did you know that? Doesnít that seem, I donít know, insanely short? Maybe itís because Iím 5í9Ē but it seems positively wee.

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 - 6:40 p.m.

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 - 6:38 p.m.

I honestly donít know what else I can do for you. You may as well just peel back the top of your skull like a sardine tin and give the zombies a spoon.

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 - 6:35 p.m.

Been sick, haven't died, will write.

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 - 6:35 p.m.

Of course, Iím still waiting for retribution regarding my internalized anger toward the battalion of robins and starlings that annually shit all over my patio during the winter.

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 - 6:32 p.m.

Last week, every time I drove to work there was a load o' traffic due to squished dead people/spilled paint on the bridge.

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 - 9:51 a.m.

Is it a sign of a gambling problem if you are totally, completely incapable of refusing any offer to go to Vegas?

Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2004 - 9:45 a.m.

And after that, once itís over, the heavens will likely part and invite me in. or, you know, I could get a job like all you normal suckers.

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 10:08 p.m.

Seeing as how I've got a nice case of shin-splints, I've got the pain thing covered even without The Ball, and torture... well, that's what Tracy's for.

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 10:04 p.m.

I really do love that womanÖ if only she was younger or I was older. Iíd hit that.

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 5:34 p.m.

I was directed to bake the glop for ten minutes, which filled the house with an aroma I can only describe as "lavendery...eggy....with a just a hint of ass".

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 5:32 p.m.

I realize that I am almost always cross, judgmental, and opinionated. Itís a lifestyle change, not everyone can get a handle on it, but I think Iíve adjusted to it pretty well.

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 5:29 p.m.

When I first drew this, she kinda looked like Julia Roberts after being wacked in the face a few times with a baseball bat.

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 5:26 p.m.

The next time you see me, make sure to ask me to teach you the Beaver song. It's great at parties.

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 5:15 p.m.

Three months is a long time Ė while I was gone, my coworkers apparently forgot that Iím a total asshole; similarly, I forgot that theyíre a bunch of annoying twats.

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 4:51 p.m.

Friday night, I missed yet ANOTHER prime opportunity to kick OJ Simpson in the nuts.

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 4:48 p.m.

Maybe next year, if youíre lucky, Iíll buy you the toxic snow cone at the M0NSTER TRUCK show.

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 8:09 a.m.

Nevermore is the best metal band nobody has ever heard of.

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 8:06 a.m.

I can't even take a glass back to the kitchen after I drink from it; how can I be expected to look after a child?

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 8:04 a.m.

I'm guessing that pulling out my uterus, smacking it on the kitchen table a few times and then reinserting it really won't solve this situation.

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 8:00 a.m.

Darling I want you to understand that Iíve been hurt by the idea of you before, countless times in fact. Please forgive me for being scared.

Tuesday, Feb. 17, 2004 - 7:58 a.m.

Monday, Feb. 16, 2004 - 7:02 p.m.

Itís like on Star Trek TNG: every time Deanna Troi mentioned casually, just in passing, that she had a headache, it was inevitable that within twenty minutes the ship would be under the power of some scary mind-controlling space-yam.

Monday, Feb. 16, 2004 - 5:42 p.m.

Just one full day of nothing but giving and receiving love. Fuck yeah.

Monday, Feb. 16, 2004 - 10:42 a.m.

Generally, if the review snippet makes it sound like a book Oprah would recommend, it goes back on the shelf.

Monday, Feb. 16, 2004 - 7:59 a.m.

I had the seared ahi for dinner, and I cannot possibly explain why placing slab after slab of warm, red, raw flesh in my mouth and chewing tenderly would feel anything other than disgustingly cannibalistic, but seriously, yum.

Sunday, Feb. 15, 2004 - 7:23 p.m.


Sunday, Feb. 15, 2004 - 12:37 p.m.

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