12% NEWS:

Hi Beermates,
So I've been running some banner ads for the next few weeks. So far the Party Animals banner is coming in first with Attention Whore second and Tammy Faye and Alice Cooper a close third. Really, it could be anyone's game! To check out the oh so exciting banner race: log in, go to Gold Members Resources and hit Run or View Banner ads. (But please don't run anymore right now, k babycakes?)

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He's gotten me all a-twitter. (I mean that in the way it used to mean, not that I am "twittering" about him...though I might have...ahem.) I can't say a single intellectual thing in his presence. I'm lucky that whole sentences come out...and mostly regretful when they do...

Saturday, Jan. 31, 2009 - 8:29 a.m.

I don't really remember my brother ever being this short.

Saturday, Jan. 31, 2009 - 6:45 a.m.

Not Hot = Not Pictured

Friday, Jan. 30, 2009 - 11:00 a.m.

I have seen this dog eat plastic, wood, grass, carpet, drywall, ROCKS, and basically just dirt. When she was two months old she nearly choked to death on a large piece of tree bark, and when she finally managed to cough it up, she licked it a couple of times and tried to stuff it entirely back in her mouth. My dog is legally retarded. She has special needs.

Friday, Jan. 30, 2009 - 10:27 a.m.

My new iPod Touch is obviously a gift that was handed down to her from Mount Fucking Olympus (which is one level higher than regular Mount Olympus), and then down to me. Touching it was like watching Hercules wrestle a hydra and then high-fiving Zeus.

Friday, Jan. 30, 2009 - 10:25 a.m.

Sea sheep!

January 28, 2009 - 1:59 p.m.

I hope that she finds some joy with the notion of Dad being somewhere where he will get the assistance that he needs, because Mom’s going to have to rediscover who she is as a human being. I think she’s pretty cool. Sort of. She’s Mom, after all.

Tuesday, Jan. 27, 2009 - 9:38 p.m.

McSteamy hobbled his knob on Grey's Anatomy, but some people don't think it's possible to break a penis ... which is weird to me because that's something that every man should know is true and therefore avoid.

Tuesday, Jan. 27, 2009 - 9:49 a.m.

Chick-o-sticks is what would happen if Butterfingers took a shower, washed off all the chocolate, and then used coconut in place of talcum powder.

Saturday, Jan. 24, 2009 - 8:03 a.m.

Sometimes Dad recognizes me. My name pretty much escapes him, but that’s okay. Sometimes he thinks I’m an enlisted Navy private that he’s trying to train in survival training. That’s not too bad, but I think he expects me to jump into a pool after a brick.

Friday, Jan. 23, 2009 - 5:10 p.m.

Gratingly self-serving message: See? The Universe really does correct itself!

January 22, 2009 - 2:12 p.m.

I mean you may think I’m a flaky, shiftless dingbat artist who has skeletons dipped in glitter hanging over the sink or something...

2009-01-22 - 4:40 p.m.

I like half-naked, limp-wristed dudes. It's kinda my thing.

Wednesday, Jan. 21, 2009 - 5:25 p.m.

Hottest President Ever

Tuesday, Jan. 20, 2009 - 6:54 p.m.


January 20, 2009 - 12:02 p.m.

What? Fuzzy-Grey??? Well, where the hell have you been? No idea! It's all a smokey haze... perhaps a "purple haze"... Anyway, come check out my last couple of posts!! It's all part of the "Bad, Bad Relationships" collection of the world wide web!!!

Tuesday, Jan. 20, 2009 - 6:46 a.m.

big black prosthetic spunking beast todger

Monday, Jan. 19, 2009 - 1:52 p.m.

In my world, this is Tough Nougats.

Monday, Jan. 19, 2009 - 10:32 a.m.

The second you say, "OMG Brian Greene totally screwed up the explanation on that theory," five hundred pocket protectors jump all over your shit, and it turns into a nerd free-for-all, which is not nearly as much fun as one might think.

Sunday, Jan. 18, 2009 - 2:36 p.m.

They don't need no stinkin' assigned date to sit down, assess their lives, and make course corrections if they're necessary.

Sunday, Jan. 18, 2009 - 1:21 p.m.

I watched his show one time and he bit the head off a live snake. HOT

Saturday, Jan. 17, 2009 - 10:33 a.m.

So there I was, in a half sleep mode, having weird short dreams…sort of like radioactive YouTube videos, a’la Amy Winehouse.

2009-01-16 - 4:26 p.m.

Why the Mongols get such a bad rap when it comes to cluster fucks, I don’t know, but this is certainly one, and the capitalization of “Cluster” and “Fuck” is also necessary.

Friday, Jan. 16, 2009 - 8:04 a.m.


Thursday, Jan. 15, 2009 - 12:05 p.m.

As the spousal unit jokes, we may be hungry in the future but we'll be warm and hungry, all the better to appreciate the hunger pangs.

Tuesday, Jan. 13, 2009 - 10:11 p.m.

GOOD FOR YOU, giant man. You successfully won against someone who was attempting to discover what you wanted, so that she could help you. YOU BUCKED THE SYSTEM AND WON!

January 12, 2009 - 5:04 p.m.

I had Liquid Crack Diet Coke™ coming out of my nose.

Monday, Jan. 12, 2009 - 7:44 a.m.

The economy in Golfwidonia is just short of being a Third-World Nation requiring assistance from an Eddie Izzard fundraising campaign.

Sunday, Jan. 11, 2009 - 10:33 a.m.

I cooked something and haven't come down with E. coli yet! This is a major accomplishment.

Saturday, Jan. 10, 2009 - 1:13 p.m.

The occasion of spying the Keelhauler at the wedding reception caused her to launch an assault that I feel is best explained in the form of a short play:

January 08, 2009 - 1:58 p.m.

The Handbook is available online for download from AlGoresSuperHighway at: www.wescrewyourpoochformoney.com.

Thursday, Jan. 08, 2009 - 10:08 a.m.

Just another Wednesday.

Wednesday, Jan. 07, 2009 - 8:13 a.m.

If you were a motivational poster, what would your inspirational saying be?

January 06, 2009 - 12:03 p.m.

Kicking international terrorist ass just isn't the same if you can't do it dressed as a Turkish belly dancer undercover in a slave brothel.

Jan. 06, 2009 - 11:35 a.m.

Martha Stewart declared it THE color combo for 2009! That bitch has stolen almost ALL of my ideas!

January 05, 2009 - 8:02 pm

The Call of Yarn is stronger than Logic. Stronger than the Force. Almost stronger than Chocolate. But not quite.

Monday, Jan. 05, 2009 - 8:28 a.m.

Saturday, Jan. 03, 2009 - 4:20 p.m.

. . . but then I get distracted by other projects or by the Hubster helping me with my third resolution or by shiny things.

Friday, Jan. 02, 2009 - 8:53 a.m.

The snow here all thawed and melted away last week. It went from a Christmas Winter Wonderland to the World's Largest Albino Slurpy.

Friday, Jan. 02, 2009 - 3:34 a.m.

I have been getting more attention from men since I’ve been wearing my new pseudo-Tina Fey/Hot Librarian glasses. Maybe I can just SEE them swooning now. :-)

Friday, Jan. 02, 2009 - 3:30 a.m.

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