12% NEWS:

Hi Beermates,
So I've been running some banner ads for the next few weeks. So far the Party Animals banner is coming in first with Attention Whore second and Tammy Faye and Alice Cooper a close third. Really, it could be anyone's game! To check out the oh so exciting banner race: log in, go to Gold Members Resources and hit Run or View Banner ads. (But please don't run anymore right now, k babycakes?)

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I think there was a bird, a gun, self-spanking, dead deer and many people who looked like Beetlejuice, but it's hard to say.

Sunday, Sept. 19, 2004 - 2:34 p.m.

It is very hard to describe how it feels to have something warm and gooey plop upon your scalp. There is a special moment when you tip your head back, look up into a tree, see a pigeon, feel the warm and gooey deposit begin to ooze backwards on your tipped head and realize that what you are feeling is pigeon poop.

Sunday, Sept. 19, 2004 - 1:44 p.m.

Friday, Sept. 17, 2004 - 10:16 a.m.

I love hoochies.

Friday, Sept. 17, 2004 - 9:44 a.m.

I would ask for some cheese to go with my whine, but I've had enough cheese. Believe me. I have been putting cheese on everything that stands still and have been inhaling it with gusto.

Friday, Sept. 17, 2004 - 7:38 a.m.

I need chocolate now.
Living with girls isnít always easy.

Friday, Sept. 17, 2004 - 7:35 a.m.

What a drag that next week is the finale - I get such a kick out of watching Colin the Walking Embolism.

Friday, Sept. 17, 2004 - 7:34 a.m.

That seems to be the remark that has everyoneís panties in a bunch.

Friday, Sept. 17, 2004 - 7:33 a.m.

"To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."

Friday, Sept. 17, 2004 - 7:32 a.m.

I'm insanely pleased with myself. Who would of thought I'd be this active this summer?

Friday, Sept. 17, 2004 - 7:31 a.m.

went out with cent2 and wer'de so fucking drunk 'cause htis is ahow we roll

Friday, Sept. 17, 2004 - 7:30 a.m.

This one is especially bad for women because they generally wait around for guys anyway - the news flash is, of course, that no guy is going to walk into your apartment and sweep you off your slippered feet when you've been sitting there watching Sex and the City reruns and not showering.

Friday, Sept. 17, 2004 - 12:28 a.m.

"I dunno... I thought it was awesome! Like, he's so rock 'n roll that he couldn't be bothered to shake my hand. God... he's so cool."

Thursday, Sept. 16, 2004 - 12:30 p.m.

and what is that thing where, when you first wake up really early, you feel energized and alert, but THEN you think to yourself "wait, this is madness, i can lay here for 14 more minutes" and magickally, when that 14 mins has elapsed, you are dead tired/back asleep, and the second go-round with the getting up is NOT HAPPENING WHATSOEVER?

Thursday, Sept. 16, 2004 - 10:07 a.m.

While not all men are stupid, the majority of the ones who talk to me on the internet are. However this should not stop men from speaking to me via the internet because I can very easily over-look great amounts of stupidity if you have a nice ass.

Thursday, Sept. 16, 2004 - 10:47 a.m.

Panicked, Mr. Pibb & I looked at each other and assessed the situation. I was in a towel, & had just gotten out of the shower. He was in his underwear.

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 7:33 p.m.

I was more or less buried in ass. It was as though I'd let out a mating call at the mountain side and triggered an ass-alanche of some kind.

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 9:26 p.m.

I had taken Driverís Ed in Saudi with this hot hot British boy named Mark Stringer whose parents were friends with my parents who I just adored and who was interested in stupid slutty girls instead of me (a smart slutty girl), Way to miss out, pal.

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 6:25 p.m.

I would like to quit smoking, and have plans to do so in the future, at some point; probably the same time I stop going out for drinks or drinking at my house (or alone, in the bathtub, while listening to power ballads).

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 6:21 p.m.

Disco, all he cared about was Milla Jovovich's Ho Hah.

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 6:16 p.m.

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 6:11 p.m.

Yes, I saw your new movie last night. Of course you were good in it, honey. Yes, your hair looked great. Why are you always fishing for compliments? Can I talk without you asking me so many questions? Youíre always looking for my approval? Donít deny it you totally are!

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 6:07 p.m.

I'm disappointed, really. I thought having gmail invites made me mysterious and desirable, sexy, a size six, appearing to project a unique mojo that was better than plain old sex appeal.

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 6:06 p.m.

Sharing a bed with her is like sharing with a large animal that delights in messing up all the sheets at its earliest opportunity and then sprawling all over them so you can't do anything about it.

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 6:04 p.m.

Long story short: Someone who has a little pull might want to do something real with MURDERHOUSE!

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 6:01 p.m.

Those kids had a real, honest-to-goodness, envy-of-the-neighbourhood, Cardboard Box!

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 6:00 p.m.

Let me see: broke, car impounded, unemployed and missing teeth. Iím pretty sure my membership package from the White Trash union will be at my door any time now.

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 2004 - 5:56 p.m.

Do you get a little nervous when you drive over a bridge or through a tunnel?

Monday, Sept. 13, 2004 - 8:53 a.m.

I need a good name; Chris Berman is the Swami, Hank Goldberg is the Hammer, my college pigskin prognosticator was the Guru...I deem my Pick Name to be...the Princess! Ha ha! Let the games begin!

Monday, Sept. 13, 2004 - 8:49 a.m.

I am looking forward to going out tomorrow night with
this one and drowning our collective sorrows in some overpriced beer.

Monday, Sept. 13, 2004 - 8:48 a.m.

I didnít realize there was a stranger at the table. Moe was accompanied by the second largest hickey Iíve ever seen in my life.

Monday, Sept. 13, 2004 - 8:47 a.m.

We Do Not Disfigure Ourselves By Ruining Perfectly Good Haircuts, For Christ's Sake, What, Are You NUTS?"

Monday, Sept. 13, 2004 - 8:44 a.m.

And what does he want me to sing? Wind. Beneath. My. Fucking. Wings. I swear, if I haven't shot myself by then, I might have to do it in the middle of that song.

Monday, Sept. 13, 2004 - 8:43 a.m.

I was told that they can see it from Connecticut.

Monday, Sept. 13, 2004 - 8:43 a.m.

Let he without dust bunnies cast the first Swiffer.

Monday, Sept. 13, 2004 - 8:41 a.m.

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