12% NEWS:

Hi Beermates,
So I've been running some banner ads for the next few weeks. So far the Party Animals banner is coming in first with Attention Whore second and Tammy Faye and Alice Cooper a close third. Really, it could be anyone's game! To check out the oh so exciting banner race: log in, go to Gold Members Resources and hit Run or View Banner ads. (But please don't run anymore right now, k babycakes?)

Join the Notifylist:


January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April Fools 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
Sept/Oct 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July/August 2008
September 2008
Just Opened
Stale Beer 2006
Stale Beer 2005
Stale Beer 2004
Stale Beer 2003


Golf Widow
Groovy Decay
Metal Eve
Mr. Fabulous



For this lovely spring day was no other day than St. Patrick’s Day, a day where people celebrate how much Irish they have in them, even if the most was that one gangbang in college with the hurling team.

Saturday, Mar. 27, 2004 - 12:27 p.m.

Saturday, Mar. 27, 2004 - 12:24 p.m.

Okay, so I'm not gay. I just really like making out with Justin Timberlake.

Friday, Mar. 26, 2004 - 11:50 p.m.

Yup, I went out with a boy named Adam. Adam and Eve. After 2 days of severe mocking from everyone we encountered, I already wanted to break up.

Friday, Mar. 26, 2004 - 11:43 p.m.

And, um... prostitution? A courtesan maybe, but certainly not anything as common as a prostitute.

Friday, Mar. 26, 2004 - 11:42 p.m.

I have had my fair share of (*ahem*) experimentation but I generally prefer those who possess external genitalia.

Friday, Mar. 26, 2004 - 11:37 p.m.

I confronted my fears and just picked up the book and bought it...sticker and all. "VAGINA AND TITS BE DAMNED!!!" I screamed as I ran towards the cashier.

Friday, Mar. 26, 2004 - 1:46 p.m.

Yes, well, what are you going to do? The hips shake and the rest just follows.

Friday, Mar. 26, 2004 - 10:26 a.m.

I WILL be vigilant! About the nipples!

Friday, Mar. 26, 2004 - 10:26 a.m.

Let's see, fat half-naked men standing in a circle, running in a circle for no apparent reason, and beating the crap out of each other. That sounds about right.

Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 - 8:40 p.m.

No shit? All you do is talk to yourself, what a fucking revelation.

Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 - 8:38 p.m.

Richard Simmons bitchslapped someone in the Phoenix airport. This is the kind of news I love to hear, because now I have license to act like a complete ass all day long, prancing around and screaming "One! And two! Bitch, don't make me hurt you!"

Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 - 8:36 p.m.

If one more person gropes my ass or calls me Fancypants today, I might just flip a shit.

Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 - 8:35 p.m.

I'm still not really looking forward to graduation simply because of the Great Beyond that follows, but I'll deal with it.

Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 - 8:32 p.m.

Also – it’s not cool to have five different endings to the movie when you know that everyone in your audience must have been holding their urine in for at least two and a half hours.

Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 - 8:30 p.m.

Look, Spandex Commando, the fact that we are both stupid enough to strap on a pair of cross-trainers long before the remotest inkling of dawn does not make us comrades in arms. I’m only out here to stave off a beer gut, and I’d prefer to pant and flail in peace, thank you. Fuck off.

Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 - 8:29 p.m.

Thursday, Mar. 25, 2004 - 9:22 a.m.

I'm such a cheesy fucking sap. Give me a few years. I'll have at least ten cats and will talk to them softly throughout the entire day. "Mama loves you, little woogie-woogie-woogie!!"

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 10:49 p.m.

the ten year old is watching full house.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 10:31 p.m.

Biensoul, last month's Educator of the Month for the second time, nearly contemplated getting into her car, driving to the west coast, and demanding that
Mike put her up on his couch.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 10:28 p.m.

I like her and all but I don’t think we communicate well. The girl’s name is Yslande but I have trouble pronouncing that so I call her Jennifer.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 6:54 p.m.

Doesn't every bar have a table full of drunken women laughing hysterically about dildos and penis extenders?

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 6:53 p.m.

The Big Adventure should always be treated as a cautionary tale.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 6:44 p.m.

I'd put you at one of the guys who makes it past the first killing wave only to have your intestines ripped out in one of the movie's ultra gory money shots.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 6:43 p.m.

If I here one more little waif complain about being ugly and fat, I’m going to go, “You know what, you are looking a little plump.”

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 6:41 p.m.

Unfortunately, there are barely traces left of the fatherly love he once showed me.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 6:39 p.m.

if there were a way to turn intelligence into orange juice, by how much more would my glass overflow than my boss's?

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 6:37 p.m.

You have to admit, I have had kind of a shitty track record during the past few years. This ain't Bridget Jones.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 5:21 p.m.

A year or so ago, he bought a ton of Nike knockoff shoes (they came in sketchy black boxes with just the word “AIR” written in red block letters) and would recruit my sister to help him set up a table in front of the Wal-Mart and sell them for five bucks a pair. Not making that up.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 3:29 p.m.

We're also continuing our avoidance campaign, ignoring such things as bills, taxes, laundry, and cleaning.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 3:00 p.m.

Oh, and I met Jasper Fforde, and it took all of my self control to not scream and flail my arms about and act like a 13 year old girl.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 11:37 a.m.

I was hoping for atleast some pepperspray action.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 11:36 a.m.

My roommate’s fighting shorts have officially evolved from being “Booty Shorts”. They are now cootchie cutters.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 11:34 a.m.

So I bitch-slapped her. Here, for you enjoyment, is the stunning denouement of the note. A note from a bitch named Betabitch doing what she does best: bitching bitches out.

Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004 - 11:32 a.m.

Tuesday, Mar. 23, 2004 - 11:08 p.m.

Playoffs are around the corner and frankly people, I'm not getting enough glimpses of sweaty athletic men bouncing their balls.

Tuesday, Mar. 23, 2004 - 11:06 p.m.

I couldn't not put up this Japanese subway sign:

Tuesday, Mar. 23, 2004 - 11:05 p.m.

Mmmmmmmm, what could be sexier than sleeping with a woman with a goo-filled, taped shut eye? Admit it. You're insanely jealous of the spousal unit.

Tuesday, Mar. 23, 2004 - 11:00 p.m.

It is a bad, bad, bad idea to try to mentally make the zombies less scary by, for instance, dressing them in clown outfits. Because holy fucking shit, zombie clowns?

Tuesday, Mar. 23, 2004 - 10:59 p.m.

While we’re all fleeing the scene of this nebulous “emergency,” we’re supposed to keep a clear head: “Dude! Fuck the guy in the wheelchair! Grab the binder! THE BINDER!!!”

Tuesday, Mar. 23, 2004 - 10:58 p.m.

"I'm afraid any dreams you've had of touring on the pro-boxing circuit are dashed..."

Tuesday, Mar. 23, 2004 - 12:48 p.m.

It’s an election year so the paper I read is starting to show its true colors anyway. Usually one must go to a circus to see that much elephant shit.

Tuesday, Mar. 23, 2004 - 12:44 p.m.

Monday, Mar. 22, 2004 - 10:05 p.m.

... and LASTLY i was a little caught off guard when she started licking my nipples.

Monday, Mar. 22, 2004 - 10:04 p.m.

I don’t think there’s a film in existence that wouldn’t benefit from a bit of added chainsaw action. Like, imagine at the end of Beaches if Barbara Hershey had cut off Bette Midler’s breasts with a chainsaw.

Monday, Mar. 22, 2004 - 9:59 p.m.

I’ve got new sheets for my bed. They look like they’re silk but feel like they’re steel wool. Ahh steel wool, the ultimate in comfort.

Monday, Mar. 22, 2004 - 9:46 a.m.

I may have some passive aggressive tendencies, but between me and say... Scott Petersen, I think I might get a few more checkmarks under “contributes well to society” than he.

Monday, Mar. 22, 2004 - 9:39 a.m.

I was just busy 1) blurring my eyes so I wouldn't shit my pants, 2) covering my eyes so I wouldn't shit my pants, and 3) pulling the collar of my coat way up over my head and sinking into my seat so I - yeah, you get it.

Monday, Mar. 22, 2004 - 9:39 a.m.

I feel it, I sense it, whatever you wanna call it. I just know. And I know why.

Monday, Mar. 22, 2004 - 9:31 a.m.

Biensoul is known for her double-fisting before the party begins due to stress!

Monday, Mar. 22, 2004 - 9:21 a.m.

We have a lot of stuffed animals, which come in handy to mop up spills, feed to the alligators, throw at passing cars, etc.

Monday, Mar. 22, 2004 - 9:17 a.m.

Ms. Molley, the cutest kitty cat in the whole wide world, will throw up on anything.

Monday, Mar. 22, 2004 - 9:13 a.m.

Hosted by Diaryland