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Hi Beermates,
So I've been running some banner ads for the next few weeks. So far the Party Animals banner is coming in first with Attention Whore second and Tammy Faye and Alice Cooper a close third. Really, it could be anyone's game! To check out the oh so exciting banner race: log in, go to Gold Members Resources and hit Run or View Banner ads. (But please don't run anymore right now, k babycakes?)

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Our box of wine from a few weeks ago seems to have turnedÖ though I thought the point was that wine gets better with age. I offered it to many people through the night. Iím simply a magnanimous spirit.

Saturday, Feb. 07, 2004 - 5:36 p.m.

I can tell that you hate this. You hate it! Just admit it! You've hated it all along! I can hear your thoughts! Stop picturing me naked!

Saturday, Feb. 07, 2004 - 5:33 p.m.

And forget any lovin'. The last time we tried that, we ended up instead in an hour-long coughing fit. The closest we've gotten to intimacy is cuddling under a blanket while drinking a pot of tea.

Saturday, Feb. 07, 2004 - 11:46 a.m.

We like it when someone says squishy and cave at the sametime. It automatically makes me want to make out with the lips that said such a thing.

Saturday, Feb. 07, 2004 - 11:42 a.m.

I was in a horrible mood this morning, after receiving and refusing to look at a piece of mail from the DMV. For some reason, I was fairly certain they didnít write just to see how I was doing.

Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 - 7:44 p.m.

I bet that dog has a brick of heroin stuffed up its ass, that's all I'm saying.

Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 - 7:42 p.m.

It then dawned on me what an amazing score that would be for any mother, to bring home a childrenís icon. I mean honestly, like I said last night, had my mom fucked a Thunder-Cat, I might have cleaned my room.

Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 - 8:24 a.m.

Which brings us to the age old question - if a jonny falls in the courtyard and no one is there to see it, does it still make an embarrassment?

Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 - 8:23 a.m.

You see, I'd been so preoccupied with wondering what her scary hands must look like under those gloves that I never bothered to actually look at her scary, lifeless face and the way it hungrily stares at your head, obviously using x-ray vision to see the tender brains beneath.

Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 - 8:18 a.m.

Now, how would you feel if you had $175.41 a month taken away from you by someone who hates you?

Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 - 8:16 a.m.

Esteban pointed out last night that my entire television diet consists of almost all reality television. Or actually, he said ďYour TiVo menu is like a summary of everything that is wrong with Republican America today!Ē

Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 - 8:11 a.m.

Watching this show resulted in me dancing around my room for an hour and reliving junior high in vivid detail. When Culture Club was on, [email protected] came in, looked at the TV, and went, "what is this crap?"

Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 - 8:10 a.m.

We didnít create this country in a bombastic fit of idealism: we had a meeting about it at some point, and forming a country was voted a cracker idea, and so we wrote a nice letter to the Queen and then everyone had tea.

Friday, Feb. 06, 2004 - 8:08 a.m.

Oh yes, it's official. I am now internationally acknowledged as an obsessive freak.

Thursday, Feb. 05, 2004 - 10:23 a.m.

NO ONE who lustily took home the cheesy softcore pr0n we had would ever admit that it was currently gathering a layer of dust next to a bunch of wadded up kleenexes on their nightstand. NO.

Thursday, Feb. 05, 2004 - 10:09 a.m.

Spend another year sentenced to an overly dramatic loony toon or cut your loses and find something better. I believe the scales were decidedly tipped.

Wednesday, Feb. 04, 2004 - 7:17 p.m.

I can understand believing, say, that Jesus is talking to you through your toaster. Hell, he may be; Iíd listen to my toaster over Pat Robertson any day.

Wednesday, Feb. 04, 2004 - 7:14 p.m.

I mean, I don't like to disrespect officers of the law or anything, but that guy was a total cum stain.

Wednesday, Feb. 04, 2004 - 11:19 a.m.

At 11pm tonight, you can be sitting in your apartment wishing a different Simpsons were on and wondering if you really want that bowl of cereal, or you could come see some funny and enjoy an alcoholic beverage.

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 10:12 p.m.

There are three endless rows of chairs on top of each other and an automated "Now Serving B0842 at number 36" loud-speaker. I totally felt like I was in the waiting room in Beetlejuice anticipating my meeting with the advisor to the dead.

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 10:10 p.m.

When I found myself contemplating calling in sick, I managed to snap out of it and threw on some jeans that were only mildly disheveled, roller-taped the pet fur from a shirt, and left the house before I started the whole cycle over again.

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 10:08 p.m.

I hope heís not involved in some secret clown fetish or something. Because I donít know if my fragile constitution could handle walking into the house and finding a 6 foot 2 clown standing in my bedroom, wearing gigantic shoes.

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 10:05 p.m.

So this morning I received eleven valentines. My favorite hands down was from Lucy who with a paper plate, a brown marker, and two pink stickers shaped like a heart managed to make me suspect that I may just still have one myself, a heart that is.

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 10:05 p.m.

figure Iíd better do some work before I become a disordered mess of carbon atoms and teeth and the janitor sweeps me up.

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 10:02 p.m.

I had a reputation to uphold as the Hottest Chick in the Bar!

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 9:59 p.m.

I donít know, laugh until there are tears again, as it confirms everything Iíve ever known: once a dork, always a dork.

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 10:38 a.m.

I feel like I should do something this Spring Break. I never do anything. The only thing I did last year was get my wisdom teeth yanked out. That was a hoot and a fucking half. I bled for like six hours. Best Spring Break ever!

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 10:37 a.m.

It's a boob! A boob on my tube! Hide the children! Hide the children from the robot-nippled boob! It will kill us all!

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 10:34 a.m.

Today I had the pissiest ickiest day in a long time, and what made it better was a trucker whistled at me on the way home. I should have flashed my tits at him to thank him.

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 10:32 a.m.

I must be working at the only male-dominated office on earth where the only people that watched the game yesterday saw it for non-sports-related reasons.

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 10:28 a.m.

I did manage to self-diagnose myself with a mild form of manic depression the other night, based solely on listening to Loveline.

Tuesday, Feb. 03, 2004 - 10:23 a.m.

I tell you, if I was shooting junk on East Hastings, Iíd want my skanky corpse to be unearthed from its dumpster by Dominic Da Vinci: this is true love.

Monday, Feb. 02, 2004 - 6:28 p.m.

Set fire to a plus sized clothing store in your town. One little known fact is that the term "plus size" is actually another word for "demon child."

Monday, Feb. 02, 2004 - 6:25 p.m.

Here's my theme song for the day. I think you know the tune. Ahem. "IT'S RAINING ASS. HALLEFUCKLA, IT'S RAINING ASS." Etc.

Monday, Feb. 02, 2004 - 6:22 p.m.

I swear, CrueChik hardly looked like she'd given birth a few hours before. I thought she was going to get up and walk out of the hospital with me. If she was a cast member of Baywatch, she'd probably be back on set today ready for her slow-motion shot.

Monday, Feb. 02, 2004 - 6:19 p.m.

Personally, I am not a huge fan of football unless (as I've previously stated) there is nudity.

Monday, Feb. 02, 2004 - 6:18 p.m.

Please feel free to put the word out that if anyone wants me to show up at their club and light my arms on fire Iíll totally do it.

Monday, Feb. 02, 2004 - 6:13 p.m.

It turns out Chiara is a filthy pirate fancier like me, so we had a vastly entertaining time talking to the television and squealing.

Sunday, Feb. 01, 2004 - 9:27 p.m.

With that I ran into my room and promptly locked the door. Ms. Innocence banged on the door and left me nasty Instant Messenger messages. I turned a deaf ear to her cries.

Sunday, Feb. 01, 2004 - 9:23 p.m.

Fuck it. Let's go have a cocktail.

Sunday, Feb. 01, 2004 - 9:21 p.m.

It's my belief that everybody has at least one object in their lives that is incredible breakable.

Sunday, Feb. 01, 2004 - 9:14 p.m.

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