12% NEWS:

Hi Beermates,
So I've been running some banner ads for the next few weeks. So far the Party Animals banner is coming in first with Attention Whore second and Tammy Faye and Alice Cooper a close third. Really, it could be anyone's game! To check out the oh so exciting banner race: log in, go to Gold Members Resources and hit Run or View Banner ads. (But please don't run anymore right now, k babycakes?)
--KFK

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Guy: Hi, do you need a light?

Sarah: No, I smoke; ergo I carry a lighter. Thanks though.

Guy: Yeah. So, do you live around here?

Sarah: No, I live in Bergen County.

Guy: I live here.

Sarah: Great.

[long pause, as Guy is clearly looking at my breasts]

Guy: You have a really great smile.

Sarah: Do you live with your parents?

Guy: Uhm. Yes.

Sarah: In the basement or in your childhood bedroom?

Guy: In my childhood bedroom.

Sarah: And how old are you?

Guy: 28.

Sarah: And you have a job?

Guy: Yeah, I work in the city.

Sarah: Interesting. How is all that working out for you?

Guy: I have a boat.

04.01.07 - 7:56 p.m.


I was only at that apartment a few times, but Doug, was by far the more affable of the two, discussing his latest coital conquest's desire to pierce her labia.


April 01, 2007 - 2:21 p.m.

How to paint the Mona Lisa with MS Paint....


04.01.07 - 2:01 p.m.

C: Have I been especially infuriating lately?
B: No, you've just been completely spacey.


2007-04-01 - 10:12 a.m.



2007-04-01 - 10:06 a.m.

Oh, sweet tap-dancing fucking jebus. Iím watching American Idol, and Iím watching that little fruitcake Sanjaya sing ďBathwaterĒ by No Doubt. Itís painful and hilarious and sad all at once. At least heís pretty.


2007-04-01 - 11:11 a.m.

That car's front end was now firmly implanted in my mother's trunk door. The rear end of the car looked like a big piece of paper I had crumpled in my hands.


Sunday, Apr. 01, 2007 - 10:27 a.m.

Suddenly I realize that someone very near me was singing along to The Grateful Dead's "Truckin"


Sunday, Apr. 01, 2007 - 10:24 a.m.

I'm running out of ways to say "kiss my ass." And it's a darn shame too, because there are some people I know right now who are in desperate need of a nice "kiss my ass" shout-out.


04.01.07 - 9:43 a.m.

Someone took a dump in the urinal at my work.


04.01.07 - 9:21 a.m.

I'm all... COOL! Can I, like, TRAIN my geese to do this? Because I so seriously need some evil feathered honking hissing minions of death and destruction.


2007-04-01 - 2:36 a.m.

Brian attacks and I parry, slipping around to his back, taking out his knees along the way. Whatís this I see, peaking out of the top of his kung pants? Is it a boxer shorts waistband? I grabbed the waistband of Brianís shorts and pulled, giving him a monumental wedgie.


2007-04-01 - 2:34 a.m.



04.01.07 - 4:45 a.m.

In fact, it's been way too long since I've seen a naked person in real life. Honest. It's sad. I haven't gotten laid in years.


04.01.07 - 4:42 a.m.

Think back to when you were a little tot. Maybe 5 years old. Are you there? Now try and remember how you would have filled in this blank: "When I grow up, I want to be a ____________." Astronaut? Fireman? President? Ballerina? Crack addict?


04.01.07 - 12:19 a.m.

Imagine! Just imagine the havoc that could be being caused by the heliobacter pylori within my gut! I could be pray to anything. Anything! Gastroenteritis! Upset tum tums! Unusual farting sounds!

Though the farting sounds might be quite amusing.


04.01.07 - 12:17 a.m.

My lovely, but nearly retarded friend Sue knows that I don't smoke. When she travels with me, she understands that she is responsible for stuffing her bra with her own pot as I will be unable to help her acquire any. It's always exciting to see what she will pull out of her bra. I call them party boobs.


04.01.07 - 12:09 a.m.

Data looked up at the captain wishing he knew how to quit him.


04.01.07 - 12:03 a.m.

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