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Hi Beermates,
So I've been running some banner ads for the next few weeks. So far the Party Animals banner is coming in first with Attention Whore second and Tammy Faye and Alice Cooper a close third. Really, it could be anyone's game! To check out the oh so exciting banner race: log in, go to Gold Members Resources and hit Run or View Banner ads. (But please don't run anymore right now, k babycakes?)
--KFK

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Get in what's sure to be an enormous line at Lululemon.

March 31, 2008 - 4:31 p.m.

Not at all bad, Norwich! Plenty of character. We met a couple of them in the pub, as it happens. Chatting to locals in pubs is the best way to get the feel for a place, I reckon. (Norwich, for the record, feels very drunk and a bit belligerent.)

03.31.08 - 3:23 p.m.

They finally brought me into a little cubical where I was looked at by Dr. Jason Priestly of 90210. Yes! It was him! I swear! The Jason Priestly from the early 1990�s. I mean, how cool is it for Dr. Jason Priestly of 90210 to press your naked stomach.

2008-03-30 - 3:53 p.m.

egg bologna

03.29.08 - 7:38 a.m.

Have your EARTH HOUR BABY BEFORE JAN 1 2009, you get the baby tax deduction in '09!

03.29.08 - 12:37 a.m.

Kids -- Now you can have all the excitement of passing through airport security, right in your own home!

Mar. 28, 2008 - 2:47 p.m.

Following is a log of my experiments. Feel free to take notes. I ask only that you hold your applause until the end.

March 28, 2008 - 1:21 p.m.

Until I�m too senile to recognize dangerous mental illness in a member of my immediate family, I�m not going to be too fussed about having a zero at the end of my age.

03.28.08 - 4:12 p.m.

My remote-finger gets itchy after about a minute, regardless of the programming, unless it's 'Simpsons' or hardcore gay porn.

Mar. 27, 2008 - 3:32 p.m.

I�m afraid this may be the thin edge of the neighbourly wedge. Next thing you know she�ll be popping round to borrow a cup of sugar or organic bark shavings or whatever it is hippies eat.

03.27.08 - 7:13 p.m.

So I have a divot in my left butt cheek.

Thursday, Mar. 27, 2008 - 8:09 a.m.

On a sinking ship, a sailor yearns for his Joy Division oven gloves.

March 26, 2008 - 4:32 p.m.

I think Maury Povich is her Daddy.

Wednesday, Mar. 26, 2008 - 7:58 a.m.

Job done, and without insulting my intelligence! Whereas CSI would show an ultra-slow-motion flashback of bullet ripping through bone, and then reveal its significance by having the characters speak to each other as though none of them had ever seen a microscope before wandering out of the Super Friends.

03.25.08 - 9:35 p.m.



03.25.08 - 12:21 p.m.

Cheesus has risen!

Mar. 24, 2008 - 11:47 a.m.

He said, "Coming in to check on you." I thought he said, "Come in, chicken," so I replied, "Bwawk, bwawk. Over."

03.23.08 - 8:52 a.m.

I thought I had a boner because even my pubic hair was standing on end.

March 21, 2008 - 8:02 p.m.

Come on and see Kathy, Bill, Bernadette and their hoodlum friends on the bus ride to despair!

March 21, 2008 - 2:16 p.m.

Whatever, I don�t mind being the �bad child� since I know that �bad child� in this situation also means �the only child with the sense God give a lemon.�

Friday, Mar. 21, 2008 - 9:49 a.m.

Oh, and if you�re religiously inclined, happy Jesus Rising From The Dead Day! More world religions should feature zombies, I think.

03.20.08 - 4:15 p.m.

I have been reading it with the rapt adoration normally reserved for religious texts.

Thursday, Mar. 20, 2008 - 11:13 a.m.

I should really start closing the curtains if I don�t want every contractor in East Anglia to see my junk.

03.19.08 - 5:19 p.m.

Battling Your Inner Geek: Sweater vs. the Meniscus.

Wednesday, Mar. 19, 2008 - 7:23 a.m.

We were ushered into the combination cafeteria and auditorium ("cafetorium") to watch the film, in which dangerous 1970s teenagers in bell-bottoms misbehave on the bus and come to a collective bloody end.

March 18, 2008 - 3:07 p.m.

I know there are a lot of doubters out there, so here's proof that leprechauns really do exist. The news does not lie.

Mar. 17, 2008 - 9:04 p.m.

She changed my medication for sleep. "This is also used for psychoses!" She said in passing. "Am I psychotic?" I asked giggling. She giggled back. Then in all seriousness she asked: "Are you worried about being psychotic?"

2008-03-17 - 8:56 p.m.

Then I�m fully one-half Polish, upon which I blame my broad hips, thick legs, and the need to feed everyone within a radius of one-quarter mile.

Monday, Mar. 17, 2008 - 11:23 a.m.

Gee, I wish I would have known I was training for the Passive Aggressive Olympics. I would have practiced harder.

2008-03-16 - 10:21 p.m.

I'm not so much about taking over other planets like locusts, but I still believe, in a very non-denominational, non-confrontational, non-jumping-on-furniture way, that we're not alone.

03.16.08 - 10:17 a.m.

Anywhoo, I�m watching Speed and it suddenly occurs to me, Keanu Reeves is really freaking hot in that movie.

03.15.08 - 12:41 a.m.

I don�t care what the calendar says � today was the first real day of spring here. I just went for a walk with no jacket (and my sleeves rolled up), and I saw a big yellow butterfly and three tiny baby bunnies.

03.14.08 - 6:42 p.m.

I say, hey, when you're diabetic and have Alzheimer's and you just had your gallbladder whacked out with a hockey stick, c'mon with the morphine. Buckets of it.

Friday, Mar. 14, 2008 - 11:06 a.m.

They can�t get the car fixed until tomorrow, so SiC has to stay in a hotel in London tonight. (OR SO HE CLAIMS. Perhaps this is all an elaborate ruse to get a little on the side from someone who can be bothered to wear lipstick more than once a year. I�m fully embracing this �letting yourself go� business.)

03.13.08 - 10:07 p.m.

That's right. Charo says I'm gorgeous. And I believe her.

Mar. 13, 2008 - 7:45 a.m.

I suspect this has something to do with the carton and a half of cigarettes she smokes per day.

Thursday, Mar. 13, 2008 - 8:16 a.m.

Were they my Burning Bush? Do you think I know? I�m the one dreaming about biblical things as filtered through �Girls Gone Wild�?

2008-03-12 - 4:03 p.m.

This is keeping in mind that I used to drink wine out of jam jars when I did not own proper glasses, and that I once knowingly purchased a bottle of wine called �Strawberry Angel� (for $2.50). You�ve come a long way, baby.

03.12.08 - 5:24 p.m.

Ninja Goalkeeper!

Wednesday, Mar. 12, 2008 - 7:23 a.m.

�No worries!� I thought, and then I spent three and a half manic hours in the kitchen perpetually chopping more onions, because the curries, apparently they need eighty onions each.

03.11.08 - 9:15 p.m.

If you lick The Keelhauler ten times, you will consume one calorie.

March 11, 2008 - 9:43 a.m.

"Stephanie, I need to tell you something. You are a tranny that looks like a hot mess, and not in a good way. You're a tickity-tack tranny hot mess out of control super tranny from transylvania who is not apologizing for it"

Mar. 11, 2008 - 8:20 a.m.

Yes, that�s my car - the one with the singing dog in it. Volkswagen obviously knows their target demographic VERY WELL INDEED.

03.10.08 - 6:32 p.m.

I was a little disappointed at the level of cheating I saw taking place, and I hope to see a lot more in the future.

March 10, 2008 - 11:08 a.m.

Trannies in the �hood wearing bad wigs and purple eyeshadow are enough to make my heart smile. Trannies in the �hood wearing bad wigs and purple eyeshadow that sing show tunes?? Pure gold, baby. Pure gold.

2008-03-10 - 12:57 p.m.

Damn, I don�t think that last sentence was even grammatical.

Monday, Mar. 10, 2008 - 9:27 a.m.

In the morning I dug through my coat pockets for the non-consecutive, unmarked beans and brewed myself a cup of kidnapper coffee and sat down to read.

03.09.08 - 8:27 p.m.

Of course, all of this thought lent itself to some brain confetti on my part, and a good thing too, because without brain confetti, how do you know it's me you're reading?

03.07.08 - 9:36 a.m.

Since my life has a shortage these days of events wherein I interact with other human beings, I thought I�d make up for the lack of dialogue with LOADS OF PICTURES of how I spend my day. It�s either that or I tell you about my conversations with the cat.

03.07.08 - 1:14 p.m.

Just type in �Chubby Irish Chick + Singing Evita� on YouTube and you�ll probably see what I do when I�m not sitting at my computer.

2008-03-07 - 9:40 p.m.

  • I will perfect my own race of people. A race of atomic supermen which will conquer the world! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
    •

    March 06, 2008 - 9:42 a.m.

    Conversation with Hubster:

    Valkyrie: You know, Honey, I'll keep loving you even if you turn into a lobotomized quadruple amputee.
    Hubster: Will you now?
    Valkyrie: Yeah, but I'll keep you in a corner of the shower so I can hose you down easier.

    Thursday, Mar. 06, 2008 - 8:34 a.m.


    So, for those of you who are that way inclined, you can take a closer look at my gardening efforts here.

    03.05.08 - 10:12 p.m.

    But is the dead guy lovin' it too??

    Wednesday, Mar. 05, 2008 - 7:30 a.m.

    There are so many things I want to be able to put into words, but they're all jumbled together in one big sack of Is This My Life?

    Wednesday, Mar. 05, 2008 - 2:30 a.m.

    "So, what is the best style of octopus?" you're asking me, tilting your heads in that fetching way that garners you 10% off at the dry cleaners.

    March 04, 2008 - 3:05 p.m.

    EXTRA HIPPIE POINTS: I am currently watering my seedlings with rainwater collected in an antique tin jug. If I get any more rustic I will grow bark.

    03.04.08 - 6:05 p.m.

    The incredible, edible LIE OF SATAN!!!!

    March 03, 2008 - 4:10 p.m.

    But this year WILL BE DIFFERENT! Because I have posted my intentions on my blog, and if in six months I can�t produce photographic evidence of heaping piles of juicy tomatoes and courgettes (that�s zucchini, Statesiders), then my name is mud. So to speak.

    03.03.08 - 9:07 p.m.



    03.03.08 - 9:50 a.m.

    I went down the bunny slope completely backwards, bent at the waist, copping a squat, clawing frantically at the snow as I tried to bring myself upright enough to even contemplate a J-turn before falling once again.

    Monday, Mar. 03, 2008 - 7:54 a.m.

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