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Hi Beermates,
So I've been running some banner ads for the next few weeks. So far the Party Animals banner is coming in first with Attention Whore second and Tammy Faye and Alice Cooper a close third. Really, it could be anyone's game! To check out the oh so exciting banner race: log in, go to Gold Members Resources and hit Run or View Banner ads. (But please don't run anymore right now, k babycakes?)
--KFK

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Oh how proud I am that I live in a city that has a mullet haircut tote board!

2008-08-29 - 11:36 p.m.

Now is not a good time to either get my hair cut or get a tattoo, I know that much.

Friday, Aug. 29, 2008 - 9:43 a.m.

Right before she dies she says, �Uh oh � out of jam�, and expires. Which is a great random thing to say right before you die, and which I will make every effort to remember to say when my time comes.

08.29.08 - 2:34 p.m.

It was a proper knees-up, during which people actually engaged in the following activities: a) writing funny slogans on each other�s faces in marker pen, en masse; b) forming cheerleading pyramids in the lounge under a very low ceiling; and c) having sex on the lawn.

08.27.08 - 11:29 p.m.

It's annual review time, yay! Everybody loves annual performance reviews!

August 27, 2008 - 10:37 a.m.

I am surprised that my jaw didn't shatter, it hit the ground so hard.

Monday, Aug. 25, 2008 - 2:46 p.m.

Tiny blood-sucking parasites are LIVING on my HEAD. Ew, ew, and yet again EW.

08.22.08 - 12:28 p.m.

Can Hubster Haz Squid on Hed?

Thursday, Aug. 21, 2008 - 9:31 a.m.

Not everyone with a vagina knows how to bake cookies.

2008-08-21 - 12:03 p.m.

The Giant Squid Hat is finally done!!

Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2008 - 9:50 a.m.

eral insurance, adult nappies, denture glue or help with erectile dysfunction. And let me tell you, the sight of Cilla Black shilling 50-plus life insurance is enough to make you consider your own mortality. With fond hope.

08.19.08 - 5:02 p.m.

A lightning storm had arrived, which cements my belief that I can control the weather.

August 15, 2008 - 1:29 p.m.

However, I suppose that �mentality� and �emotional maturity� are definite drawbacks to being a porn star.

Friday, Aug. 15, 2008 - 8:30 a.m.

How totally �MacGiver� of me, huh?

2008-08-14 - 11:38 p.m.

"Fur. I've been loving fur for as long as I can remember, and I see no reason to change now." -- Brandusa Niro, Editor in Chief, The Daily and fashionweekdaily.com

August 14, 2008 - 12:49 p.m.

Swim Meets Are Exceedingly Dull.

Thursday, Aug. 14, 2008 - 8:04 a.m.

Yay! It's Mr. Bacon Head!

Wednesday, Aug. 13, 2008 - 7:39 a.m.

RED BULL WAS NOT AROUND BACK THEN, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? NEITHER WAS YOUR ENERGY DRINK NATION.

08.13.08 - 9:18 a.m.

Awesome fake name: evidence of my great writing skillz.

August 11, 2008 - 3:26 p.m.

Watch out for the Butter Basilisk in the dungeon.

Monday, Aug. 11, 2008 - 8:35 a.m.

NOTE: No, I don't know from experience what freshly-squeezed ass tastes like. No, I have never tasted ass, neither freshly-squeezed or from concentrate.

And no, I don't know "whose ass." (But if I had to venture a guess, I'd say, "Probably a sumo wrestler's. After a match and before a shower.")

08.08.08 - 1:26 p.m.

For wittykitty: Gay men perceive each other as Homophobic

And you�re sending this to me why? For verification? Okay, yes, I�ve dated scads of gay guys, but I have no idea what they were doing when we weren�t watching �Cabaret� together.

2008-08-08 - 3:35 p.m.

C�mon, people, even if 60% of people don�t wash their hands after potty, please at least think of the 40% who are at least a little OCD. Thank you.

Friday, Aug. 08, 2008 - 7:50 a.m.

He then went on to inform me that to have someone inspect the wiring would "cost some money," leading me to believe he thinks that I have just arrived on Earth from the Planet of Free Auto Repair.

August 07, 2008 - 4:22 p.m.

If the film had been released a few years earlier, nobody could have blamed the Japanese for Pearl Harbour.

08.06.08 - 4:41 p.m.

�Go down to the third floor, you overtinkling women�.

Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2008 - 8:03 a.m.

I have a Magic Eight Ball and await your questions.

August 04, 2008 - 9:06 p.m.

In fact, he confessed that during the show he once grabbed my ass in a proprietary way while one of these fellows was allegedly giving me the once-over. I guess that's the human equivalent of a dog pissing on its territory to show the other dogs who's boss.

08.04.08 - 10:39 a.m.

See what stress does to your brain? It makes you think you can produce quirky HBO movies with Hugh Laurie.

2008-08-03 - 10:26 p.m.

A-DOYEEEEEEEEEE is what I say to that.

August 01, 2008 - 3:33 p.m.

I can't wait till karma sets you on fire and charges you for the fuel it uses in the process.

07.31.08 - 5:47 p.m.

Sweet Emotion was playing somewhere in the cosmos and my brain heard it!

Thursday, Jul. 31, 2008 - 7:58 a.m.

The New York Times Book Review said that The Exorcist was well researched and �written in a literate style�. Well, this is true, if they meant that it seems to have been written by someone who can read.

07.31.08 - 12:09 p.m.

Great. A betta fish wants to either kill me, eat me, or hump me.

Wednesday, Jul. 30, 2008 - 8:29 a.m.

It feels like being smothered by an armpit.

07.29.08 - 5:08 p.m.

If asked about my preferred ways to spend a sunny summer morning, scooping up intestines would come pretty low on the list.

07.28.08 - 4:50 p.m.

I actually was so intimidated, I couldn�t even make any jokes. Me! Can you imagine the Ingmar Bergman version of wittykitty?

2008-07-27 - 11:51 p.m.

If you treated others the way you treat yourself sometimes, you'd be in jail.

Saturday, Jul. 26, 2008 - 11:46 a.m.

Man, knitters need lots of junk.

Friday, Jul. 25, 2008 - 7:43 a.m.

I substituted veggie beef bits for the meat, because I don�t eat cows, and chucked in some kale and mushrooms instead of the celery (�chucked in�? I�m starting to talk like Jamie fucking Oliver).

07.25.08 - 11:14 a.m.

�Are you on my face?� I asked

07.26.08 - 12:16 a.m.

(Dude, I would so totally still tap that. Yum.)

07.24.08 - 5:14 p.m.

So Hubster gets the bright idea of scaring the cat.

Wednesday, Jul. 23, 2008 - 8:54 a.m.

It gives me flashbacks to gym class, which isn�t pleasant: gym class was the scourge of my existence for ten long years. If I never see a rugby ball again it will be too soon.

07.22.08 - 11:11 a.m.

And another thing: You owe me thirty-five cents and a roll of Scotch tape!

July 21, 2008 - 3:25 p.m.

So much for my mad gardening skillz, eh?

Monday, Jul. 21, 2008 - 12:05 p.m.

Mercifully I don�t remember disappearing into the bathroom for half an hour and having to be pretty much carried back to the hotel room before midnight. Dude, I can�t even spell �dignity�.

07.21.08 - 3:17 p.m.

But what could I expect from a universe that has not only let me come to this pass after I have spent so much time, money, and energy trying to help others, but has also said, "As long as we're working on her, let's make her allergic to chocolate"?

07.19.08 - 7:31 a.m.

"Did the dialogue she wrote for you strike you as naturalistic?" I asked, "Like, 'Oh, Norma, you are so smokin' hott,' or whatever?"

July 17, 2008 - 3:26 p.m.

Apparently, I have a congenital deformity in both of my feet! Yippee!

Thursday, Jul. 17, 2008 - 8:20 a.m.

So, to recap, on the misery menu for today are: 1) woodpeckers, and 2) shopping. There must be something about this in the Geneva Convention.

07.17.08 - 10:31 a.m.

I have embraced my inner food demons, because they don't make me step away from the waffles.

07.16.08 - 1:23 p.m.

Wally's IN the bag, man.

Wednesday, Jul. 16, 2008 - 7:20 a.m.

man in park asks mother to pour water into diaper

July 15, 2008 - 1:12 p.m.

...and the horror in his eyes of what exactly his big sister meant by blowing sand out of her cracks, gave him the most lost and sickened expression I�ve ever seen.

07.16.08 - 9:45 a.m.

Note to self: Welsh proletariat not up for political humour. Also: shut up.

07.15.08 - 4:51 p.m.

You can probably imagine his joy when, upon waking, he was greeted by a photograph, sent by someone he'd never met, of an acquaintance's balls.

July 14, 2008 - 1:56 p.m.

Beware! The Sewer Horse is Watching You.

Monday, Jul. 14, 2008 - 11:51 a.m.

Happy Complaint Day, everybody! Isn't it great? I think so, too. But I wish someone would have informed me sooner. (Working in a complaint = skillz)

July 10, 2008 - 1:16 p.m.

WeenieMan, AWAY!!

Thursday, Jul. 10, 2008 - 7:43 a.m.

She's always been my role model on how to age�minus the horse poop, of course.

Wednesday, Jul. 09, 2008 - 10:12 a.m.

Only Royal Mail could manage to make queuing up in a post office the less annoying purchasing alternative.

07.09.08 - 10:08 a.m.

The weekend before I had gone out and bought the first piece of new clothing I�d had in almost 8 years, you know, so I wouldn�t look like I had just stumbled in from some random Bingo game for Homeless People.

2008-07-08 - 4:05 p.m.

Thankfully we had company at the time, so she only managed to vent a small amount of crazy rather than her usual half-hour-plus diatribe.

07.08.08 - 1:43 p.m.

I was given extensive freedom with the role, which, after much thought, I decided to play as a cross between Tura Satana and Jack White in heavy drag.

July 07, 2008 - 5:08 p.m.

Well, after four long years, it�s finally official: I am a permanent resident of the UK.

07.07.08 - 4:38 p.m.

Except for maybe, I don�t know, part fairy tale, part hardcore porn?

Monday, Jul. 07, 2008 - 8:19 a.m.

I have no idea where these people get their fireworks from, but they're not from the legalized little stands that sell sparkly fountains and charcoal snakes. I'm fairly certain I saw a seven year old with a grenade launcher go traipsing down the alley singing something from High School Musical II.

2008-07-05 - 5:52 a.m.

I wanted to use the segue but I can�t finish it.

Friday, Jul. 04, 2008 - 8:09 a.m.

I never even considered using the fire alarm to multiply by the elevator. Does that mean I should hit the �stop� button in the elevator to do long division? What about fractions?

Thursday, Jul. 03, 2008 - 8:03 a.m.

Amazingly, I didn�t wind up as a torso in a ditch; but I decided things were going a bit beyond my dog-walking remit.

07.03.08 - 3:22 p.m.

Mom's mouth = capital O.

07.02.08 - 4:53 p.m.

I can appreciate my country just fine all alone in a quiet, air conditioned interior. Or better yet: from another continent. Hooray Canada, and so forth.

07.01.08 - 4:45 p.m.

My left sagging boob was not unlike a lazy eye. Which means I spent a good portion of my day saying, "Hey, hey you! Talk to the good boob!"

07.01.08 - 10:57 a.m.

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